Kim K. chose a boy. Chrissy T. chose a girl. Dave and I did not choose the sex of our baby (more on that one day), but we have known the sex of our 5 (now 3) frozen embryos since August 2014. I have gone back and forth on this for quite some time- are you playing God? Shouldn’t you let it be a surprise? Why is one sex better than the other? But you know what, IVF babies are all miracles. IVF is science and what we know and see compared to other couples who have a baby naturally, is another world of its own.

If you have not been through the process, you are probably wondering how our doctors know the sex of our embryos. It is called “CCS or PGD testing.” Our first IVF we did not get this done (our 1st doctor didn’t offer us this) and we ended up with a chemical pregnancy. When you do IUI, you cannot get this done and we ended up with a miscarriage (and 2 other failed cycles). With our one natural pregnancy, we ended up with an ectopic pregnancy. See a pattern here? The only reason we chose CCS testing was for a healthy and chromosomal normal embryo. We wanted to reduce our miscarriage rate and improve our implantation rate, it really was an easy decision. We did not get this done to find out the sex of our babies but honestly, it was a huge bonus for us. We needed the light at the end of the tunnel and by knowing what we had waiting for us made it that much better. It gave us Hope. You cannot “create” the sex you want- remember that. We are given what God gives us. Also remember, not all of the embryos we start with, we end with. Dave and I had 13 embryos to start but after days of growing and testing, we only ended up to 5 that could be frozen. It is quite the process!

There has been a lot of controversy in the last day or so because of Chrissy Teigen coming out saying they chose to put a girl embryo in. And who cares?! She went through all the tests, needles, ultrasounds, egg retrieval. She went through the months or years of trying to get pregnant and the emotions that go with that. It is her body and her decision to do what she wants with her frozen, healthy embryos. This is a beautiful and exciting time in her life and anyone else who has done IVF and is finally pregnant, why do we have to bring their decision down?

I have had friends who just wanted the strongest embryos, (embryos are graded by assessing the quality of cell numbers and cell regularity to name a few), put in without knowing the sex that was chosen, some have chosen what sex they want and some have chosen to not even know what sex all of their embryos are. To each their own.

I understand that you may disagree with my opinion, and that is OK. I would love to hear what you think, so message me!  If you haven’t been through IVF and infertility treatments, you will not understand 100% where I am coming from. At the end of the day, I am just glad that celebrities are starting the conversation on infertility and helping so many feel they are not alone.

I never realized how traditional I am until recently. Maybe it is because I see so much on social media or maybe it is because I am getting older, but I am seeing it more and more. (Of course there are times when I am not- moving in with  my husband before we were married for one!) I know everyone is different, everyone has their own opinions and ideas in life, but I take some pride in this.

-Changed my last name to my husband’s. My sister and a few of my friends are not doing that and have hyphenated it.

-Saying the traditional marriage vows. I didn’t want to write our own, I found it so special to say what has been said in the church for years.

-Hand-write thank you notes. I am sorry but emails, standard picture cards with no writing besides “Thanks for coming,” doesn’t do it for me. And some people don’t send them at all! I know we are so busy and trust me, having a baby now I don’t have time to shower. But I wish more people were old school when it comes to this.

-I still print pictures. I did get away with it for a bit and only printed to frame or hang on my fridge, but after having my daughter in September I have been printing pictures and started photo albums for her. I love looking back at my baby pictures and I hope one day she will too.

-I buy CDS. Ok- not ALL the time. But I still love it! (My sister is cringing somewhere). When I was younger I would spend hours in Sam Goody looking for a new single or CD to buy and I still enjoy doing that.

I won’t bore you any longer, but this is something I was thinking about recently and wanted to share. Do you feel you are traditional? If not, what do you have against it?

I have two words for new moms, old moms, any parent out there: ask questions. I’ll admit it, at first I didn’t want to open my mouth and just figure it out on my own, but when it comes to your child- you want the best. And the quickest way to get there. We thought we knew how to strap her in her car seat, but you can never be too sure so I asked my cousin and learned we were pretty much doing it completely wrong. I knew she knew her stuff and she was happy to assist! 

Kayla is colic, it is getting much better (thank God) but it has been a hard 4 months. I didn’t know if it was reflux, formula, gas…no idea. Man if only they could talk! After reading some mommy boards and on our 4th formula, I read about pedicatric gastroenterologists…oh maybe I should try that! I asked around to my mommy friends and found out what Doctor they used, what worked on their babies, tips and tricks when it comes to dealing with tummy issues, insurance, you name it. I have learned so much I wouldn’t have known if I kept my mouth shut. Asking questions is making me a better mom and giving me the knowledge to help others. I talk to someone almost every week about fertility treatments…it makes me feel amazing I can help and proud of those women who come to me to share their stories. 

So bottom line is, help a sister out and share with each other. Ask questions. Vent. Let them know you were in the same boat once and it gets better. Just hearing that makes me know I can do this and proud to be a part of the mommy club. 

Being a mommy is a lot harder than I ever thought. We are currently on our 4th (and hopefully final) formula and 3rd type of bottle. Breastfeeding didn’t work for us and I beat myself up over it. She is still sleeping in her rock n play next to me and many nights I spend a good hour with my hand holding her nuk in to try to get her to sleep. She sometimes will scream her head off when I change her. She pees, poops and spits up on me. I suck boogers out of her nose. She hates to be cold after a bath, no matter how warm I get her and relaxed during a bath…she’s a nightmare for the 1.5 minutes it takes me to dress her after. 

But she is perfect. She is healthy, happy most of the time, has the best laugh and smile I have ever seen. She knows I’m her mommy..you can see it in her eyes. I am the one who can soothe her and make her feel at home. It is a 24/7 job and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have learned in the short 9 weeks I have had her is we all need to stop beating ourselves up. We are doing the best we can to survive and be the best parents to our babies. We need to stop comparing ourselves to each other and support each other instead. We need to give advice when asked and stay quiet when a mom just wants someone to listen. If we cannot pick up the vacuum for one day, it is ok. Some days I can’t shower until 3pm and I eat with her on my lap. I will cry with her sometimes and do anything to get her to sleep somewhere besides my arms. And some days I can shower, clean and eat in silence all in one morning. It is ok. You are doing the best you can. 

You need a date night with your husband. It is so important for your marriage and sanity. I never understood the meaning that it takes a village to raise a child..but it does. Without my family and close friends, I would have gone crazy! My husband works at home…that means we are pretty much ALWAYS together. That is not healthy especially with a newborn. We need time alone too. He has his nights at crossfit and refs football and I will have dinners with the girls, get a manicure or a quiet trip to target. (My favorite thing to do!)

It is ok to ask for a breather, to sit in your car to just be in silence or have a good cry. I’m a new mom and only have one child so I give major props to my friends who stay at home with their kids or have 2, 3 and 4 babies! You all rock!! Whether you have 1 or 5, you are working your a$$ off. You got this and as I have heard by so many good friends lately: “It will get better!!” 

Oxox Steph

http://www.scarymommy.com/my-arms-are-no-longer-empty-but-my-heart-will-never-forget/

We decided to beat the crowds and take Kayla to meet Santa today. Of course she really has no idea what is going on, but she was so stinkin cute and good with him. I think she will make the nice list this year:)