Tag Archives: miracle

Dear Embryos,

This is a very hard post to share with you all but I have had so much support my whole Infertility journey and after talking to so many people (I hope I’ve helped you all), I wanted to share the end of our story.

To the two embryos that tried so hard to stick during our first IVF, that ended in a chemical pregnancy and to the 3 that didn’t make it to freeze- thank you for teaching me how much I wanted to be a mommy and how strong I am.  To my beautiful 6 week and 4 day old baby that we saw grow and get to love for a short period of time, I miss you but thank you for putting us on a different path and a new doctor that would eventually give us your sister Kayla. To my little fighter embryo that was trying to grow but just not in the right place and ended in an ectopic pregnancy, you made me so brave and strong, thank you. To my embryo that really had no chance of finding a home inside of me because your fierce and strong willed sister Kayla, took up all the room (lol), thank you for letting her have all of that room and for officially making me a mommy.  To my Kayla, I’m pretty sure you were the toughest embryo I’ve seen and you haven’t changed one bit. To my miracle embryo- my Madison. I cannot wait to tell you the story of how amazing you just are and how I still cannot believe we made you.

And for my 3  frozen embryos we said good bye to this week and decided to donate to research- please know it was the hardest decision we had to make. To know we had three healthy girl embryos, this was not an easy decision but one in the end is right for our family. What makes this a little easier is to know we potentially could be helping doctors and embryologists in finding something new they haven’t seen in an embryo ,(because let’s be serious my kids are gorgeous and brilliant) (haha JK…kind of…) makes our decision a bit easier.

This closes our book on our journey with Infertility and becoming parents. Thank you all so much for following along, your support, kind words, prayers, gifts and hugs meant the world to us. Please know I am always here to help anyone who has a question, needs a prayer or to vent….don’t stop messaging me, I hope I can help more with what I’ve been through. As I sit here crying over the past few years, I know just how blessed and lucky I am because there still are many people who fight harder than I have and still don’t have ending like we did. As I think back to my procedures, dozens and dozens of early morning appointments, scans, bloodwork, and losses and then look over to my two babies….I would do it all over again 100 times over… in a heartbeat.  oxoxox

 

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9.26.15

Best day of my life!! Sorry I haven’t updated in awhile- I have been a little busy 🙂 Kayla is 6 weeks already- how did that happen?! I have some fun ideas for posts coming up, please let me know if there is anything you want to know or find out what I have learned in my 6 weeks of being a mom!

I will try not to be too TMI on my story, but hey- I gave birth, it is all TMI! (While I am writing this, she is sitting in my lap lol, Miss Diva needs to be involved in everything.) On 9/25, I  was still working at home and feeling more and more uncomfortable. I couldn’t sit straight up and type and it felt like she was constantly tickling me! I even said to Dave as I was cleaning up my emails,  “I am not too sure I will be working next week!” That night Dave had to ref a game and I asked him to drive separate from his crew- just in case. 🙂 Right before he left, I did start to lose some of my mucus plug when I went to the bathroom, but that could mean nothing as many do go days, even weeks before giving birth.

4am, on Saturday the 26th, I woke up to slight cramping, nothing too strong but I noticed they kept coming so when I timed them and saw they were 8 minutes or so apart, I woke Dave up. When I went to the bathroom and saw a little blood- I thought, hmm…I think I may be in labor!!  (First timer here!)  The first thing I did was call my mom who lives in Florida so she could get a flight out. Then I called my doctor who told us to come to the hospital. Dave and I were pretty calm packing the car up and making sure Bradley was all settled. The 30 minute ride to the hospital was fine and once we got to labor and delivery, the nurse took one look at me and said we will check you, but you will most likely be going back home. Apparently, I was way too relaxed, calm and smiling. LOL  I was only 1 centimeter and 80% effaced, so they had me walk the hallways for a good hour before they checked me again. Nothing changed. I really thought I was further along, but NOPE. The doctor and nurse suggested we go home, get something to eat and try to get some rest. They didn’t think we would be back until later that night or even the next day…I thought different and so did Miss Kayla.

Once we got home I had a bagel, took a shower and was trying to nap, but the contractions were getting very intense and so painful. It was all back labor and the pain would shoot down my legs…awful. Around noon we started timing them and when I was in so much pain and threw up all over the bathroom, we knew it was time to get back to the hospital. My brother in law, sister, mom and dad all pulled up around the time we were leaving. I was hanging on to the fence crying and when my mom yelled- Team Kayla!!! I gave her the finger. (lol)  

Around 2:30-3pm we were back and the nurse took one look at me and said “a lot different this time huh?!” I was in tears and she could see how much pain I was in. The doctor checked and I was 3 centimeters and 100% effaced….about two minutes after that, my water broke on its own!  Thoughts going through my head: holy crap, I’m having a baby. I am only 3 centimeters? Thank God I got to the hospital in time. OMG this is so painful. Where is the epidural?! 

Once I was in my room and settled with the epidural (HEAVEN!), everything started moving SO FAST. I was 7 centimeters within an hour and my water gushed one more time- I cannot explain the feeling but I had no idea what happened. The nurses went to clean me up and saw that Kayla had her first bowel movement (Meconium) inside of me. They were very calm and explained they would have NICU nurses in the room when she was born to make sure everything was ok and she was all clear. It was quite scary to hear this, but the amazing nurses calmed me down and talked us through the situation. 

Once my parents and sister arrived, the doctor checked and could not believe I was 10 centimeters and ready to push. This was around 6:30pm and it hit me what was happening. I got extremely anxious and started to cry a bit…my family was so, so excited and literally flew out the door. I started to push with my incredible husband coaching me (he was so amazing the whole day!). The doctor and nurse said the baby’s head was low and seeing how fast my labor progressed, I thought this will be super quick!!  NOT. At first, Kayla was in distress and about 4 nurses flew in the room and flipped me to my left side. Once her heart rate was steady, we waited about 10-15 minutes to let everything calm down. 

Once I started to push, the doctor would come in and out of the room and basically cheer me on saying how great everything looked…then he would leave. Every time he left, I wanted to scream because I knew then I must not be close to giving birth. (He was delivering a few babies all at once!) Two hours later and I am still pushing and it doesn’t seem to be happening any time soon. I was extremely exhausted, Dave would give me water, I had an oxygen mask between pushes and I was a sweaty mess. Finally my doctor mentioned we could use a vacuum and that would work, but “we don’t have to do this just yet.” About 5 minutes later I said- “that’s it!! Get the vacuum, get her out!” I am so patient…HA. About 3 pushes later with the help of a vacuum, our daughter Kayla Hope was born at 8:42pm. I didn’t care at all what happened after that, I just wanted to make sure she was ok. My husband was crying and gave me a kiss then I basically pushed him to go check on our girl. She was so beautiful and HEALTHY. 

After the NICU nurses checked on her, they asked if I wanted to do skin to skin… YES PLEASE. See below at the pictures from our first night and day. The first few days are a blur, but wow, what an amazing feeling it is to be a mom. Rewarding, exhausting, and yet, the best experience in the world. Thank you for all the support!!!!!

God is good…

Around 7am the day I gave birth!

Around 7am the day I gave birth!

Around 8:45pm on 9.26. The first picture of my daughter and I! Pure bliss and indescribable love.

Around 8:45pm on 9.26. The first picture of my daughter and I! Pure bliss and indescribable love.

My husband and amazing father with our girl.

My husband and amazing father with our girl.

Auntie and her buddy!!

Auntie and her buddy!!

Pop pop and his granddaughter...I'm pretty sure she is thanking him for all the crumb cake he gave me.

Pop pop and his granddaughter…I’m pretty sure she is thanking him for all the crumb cake he gave me.

One of my favorite photos of all time. Grandma and her girl.

One of my favorite photos of all time. Grandma and her girl.

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So in love with this face.

So in love with this face.

Second Trimester!

Ah… we made it to the 13 week (semi breathing) phase. The first few weeks of the second trimester, I was exhausted. I hear this is the best trimester for many and I was so frustrated I wasn’t feeling well, but after a few weeks of early bedtimes, naps and late night snacks lol, I finally started feeling better. I have to tell you, my Crohn’s disease has pretty much been in remission throughout my pregnancy so far. I am down to 4 pills a day (was on 8 plus steroids before). I wanted to go off them but my doctor is afraid I will have a bad flare-up after giving birth, so he wants me to stay on some. I am also on a pre-natal vitamin, iron supplement, baby aspirin and folic acid prescription. I am eating lots of wheat (lol) and ice cream and my stomach feels pretty darn great. I started incorporating protein shakes more in the 2nd trimester as well. I have Juice Plus protein powder and mix almond milk with kale, berries, and banana. So good!

I waited so long for this pregnancy, but it still can get very overwhelming all the changes in your body. I wasn’t completely in maternity clothes yet, but was having trouble fitting in many of my current clothes. This seems like such a stupid thing to get upset about but with my hormones and not feeling 100%, I definitely had my crying moments while going through my closet some days. My mom was so great and did some fun online shopping for me so I would get packages of clothes in the mail, which was amazing when you don’t feel like walking around a mall all day.

Around 19 weeks when my mom was in town, we registered!! Such an exciting day! When we walked into Buy Buy Baby, I was all set to go and didn’t think we needed any help. About 10 minutes into it and when we hit the car seats, I almost had a panic attack. There were about 30 car seat options!! I wanted the perfect one for our little nugget and had no idea where to start. We found an amazing woman who worked there who told me to take a deep breath then continued to stay with us for a good two hours through every section of the store. It was so much fun and so exciting because we also picked out our nursery furniture too! (Thanks to our amazing parents!!) This was starting to get so real. 🙂

Early May Bump!!

Early May Bump!!

My adorable hubby and baby daddy while registering. He had to get his own carrier. :) <3

My adorable hubby and baby daddy while registering. He had to get his own carrier. ❤

End of May bump!!

End of May bump!!

First Trimester


Hi All! 🙂 Well today I started my 3rd trimester!! Yes- 28 weeks! I apologize, AGAIN, for not blogging for a few months- ugh, I stink. But I want to get back in the groove before our little peanut arrives in October. So here we go!

First trimester is scary for any mom because it is so early and you don’t know what may happen. For me and many of us who go through infertility, it is three months of nerves, excitement, doctor appointments and lots of prayers. My first pregnancy,  was chemical so never even got to the ultrasound. My second pregnancy, we went in to hear the heartbeat and there was none. My third pregnancy, was an ectopic so we had the positive tests but they could need see anything and it wasn’t progressing or viable. So this time as much as I wanted to get my hopes up, we knew to prepare for the worst and not fully celebrate. When you do IVF, you have MANY more appointments in the beginning of your pregnancy. We went in around 5.5 weeks and saw the fetal pole and sac– yay!! Then we went a week later for BIG appointment, to hear her heartbeat. I’ll never forget our doctor saying as soon as he had it up on the screen -“I can already see it beating.” MUSIC TO OUR EARS! And hearing it- I cannot explain how amazing it was. 

We went back about a week later and everything was looking amazing and we were getting ready to “graduate.” Around this point- 7 weeks, was when I started to get super sick. I could barely keep anything down- even water- and was so worried I was going to get dehydrated or not be able to take my prenatal vitamin. Thank Goodness I never had to go to the hospital, but for a good two weeks, it was not pleasant. My doctor had to prescribe some anti-nausea meds for me, which did help quite a bit. I didn’t want to take too many pills, so I only took them when it was really needed.

When we went to our 8 week appointment with our fertility doctor, our last one, baby looked amazing but we had a scare with our blood work. Our HCG numbers were going down, or so we thought from the lab, so the doctor made us come back in two days later for another look and bloodwork. Talk about stressful and nerve wracking- I was a mess for 2 days. We went back in and she was perfect and growing! We had bloodwork done again and it was back up, so not sure if the lab messed up or what but we were a-ok to graduate and move on!! Bittersweet day because you get very attached to your nurse and doctor, but we were ready to move on.

10 weeks- first appointment at our gynocologist. We saw baby girl move!!! We couldn’t believe when we had the ultrasound she was moving her arms all over, cutest. thing. ever. At this point I wasn’t getting sick anymore but still tired and nauseous. I lost a few pounds in the beginning but was starting to gain some weight back. 

We didn’t want to announce to all of our friends and family until after our 15 week appointment, but we did have my brother in law take our announcement pictures around 12/13 weeks. We waited SO LONG for this!! Behind the scenes-

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Of course Bradley was included! Here are the final shots and a bump picture from March 🙂 :

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IMG_0459IMG_0454Thanks for reading! oxox

 

Two week wait and our Big Fat Positive (BFP)

Good morning! I’m still smiling from all the love you have sent me over the last week since we announced. 🙂 Thank you all!

Our two week wait actually went pretty quickly this time around…though I felt ZERO symptoms. With my miscarriage from our IUI, I felt a lot going on during that wait so I kept comparing everything. Our transfer was on a Sunday, so I took that Mon-Weds off to relax and just take it easy. Monday Dave had off as well so we went to the movies to see American Snipper and out for burgers. It was nice to get out and to not focus completely on what was potentially happening in my body. I took it easy the rest of the week and was actually happy to get back to work that Thursday to keep my mind busy on something else. 

That Saturday night we went out to dinner with Dave’s football ref crew and I decided during that dinner I was going to take an at home test on Sunday. (Our blood test was set for Tuesday…so technically not a full 2 week wait). I didn’t drink at the dinner (of course) and I just kept thinking that it didn’t work. I tried really hard to stay positive but my mind was going…oh no, we used two embryos, if it didn’t work we only have three left, we cannot afford anything else after this. etc etc etc. 

Sunday morning at around 5am, I couldn’t take it anymore lol…I got up and found my hidden pregnancy tests and prayed. I was shocked as I looked down, not even a minute after peeing on it that two lines were coming up. I thought I was seeing things (as it was 5am) and I put it up to the light and started crying. I couldn’t believe it!!!! I ran in and woke Dave up, poor guy- I have done this to him before, and told me the amazing news. We actually lied and told our families the wait was a full two weeks, so we could find out the news and keep it to ourselves for a few days before sharing. Plus- we got to surprise them, something you really cannot do much of when doing IVF. 

A big storm was heading in for Tuesday, so I took it upon myself and went in for bloodwork a day early. Our at home test was a very strong two lines, especially for being so early on but I was still shocked at just 8 days from the transfer, our HCG levels were over 250.  When we heard this amazing news, we told our parents. I wanted to capture it so we decided to facetime in the middle of the day and completely shock them. I first showed them Bradley laying there with a Big Brother sign, they kept staring so confused and later I was told I should have written “I’m a big brother”…lol. Here are three pictures, I won’t share the rest as they would probably kill me, haha but they were crying and SO HAPPY! (I apparently found it hysterical).

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Of course, I was still a nervous wreck and wouldn’t be able to breathe until our heartbeat ultrasound, at around 7 weeks. Our blood work kept doubling like it should and at 5.5 weeks we had our first ultrasound which really doesn’t show much, since it is so early, but they look for a sac and a fetal pole. A part of me thought since the numbers were so amazing that it could possibly be twins, but I was actually a little relieved when we saw just one in there. 

I was feeling really good at this point, still no major symptoms, which scared me because of course you want to feel something, so you know it is still in there!  Boy did I jinx myself. 

oxox Will write soon!

Road to Baby

Good morning! I am so sorry I haven’t written in months but….I’m pregnant! wahoo!! Thank you so much for all of your prayers, support, calls, texts…everything. Dave and I are so blessed and cannot believe this is real. I wanted to share our story over the last few months.

When you do a frozen embryo transfer, it is not as easy as just showing up to the doctor the day of. We started the process over a month in advance, starting with me going on birth control. Crazy right? But it basically quiets your system down and helps the doctors time everything. 

January 2nd- our first doctors appt! Everything looks good and that evening I start my shots. Because we had a cancelled cycle back in August due to using no meds and my body not cooperating, my doctor changed my protocol up. I was on “stimming” shots, to basically trick my body to make estrogen to help thicken my uterine lining. Not only was I on shots, but I was also on a baby aspirin, prenatal vitamin, folic acid prescription, two iron supplements per day plus my medicine for Crohn’s. Whew!  (I just wanted to point out last year exactly around this time we had our D&C for our miscarriage, it is amazing what a year can bring and wow, have I learned the art of patience.)

Over the next week or so, I had a few early doctor appointments (between 6-7:30am) and everything was looking pretty good. My lining was getting thicker, not as thick as I would have liked, but it was looking ok. Once the doctor gives us the ok, I started on progesterone shots (in my lower back, upper butt). That is quite a process! I ice it, Dave does the shot then rubs it, then I walk around because the progesterone serum is thick, so it is good to walk around so it loosens itself up in your muscle area. Then Heat…my awesome heating pad did the trick. 

On top of ALL of that. My doctor had me on benadryl…THREE times a day. (This was started two days before the transfer). The first weekend I was on it, I pretty much slept the entire time lol.  I don’t have much knowledge on what it does exactly, but they are saying it can help with implantation and I think it relaxes you as well. (All you people who get pregnant on your first time, in your own bedroom…look at all this work many of us have to go through!! It is nuts.) oh and I was going to acupuncture twice a week as well. 

On January 18th, we received a call at 10am to be at their office at noon in Basking Ridge, NJ for our transfer. It was a snowy, rainy and dreary Sunday, but Dave and I were so ready for this.  My parents took our dog Bradley, and we took off to go “meet” our girls. Yes, I said girls….we put two embryos in, both girls. 🙂 Dave and I knew the sexes of our 5 frozen embryos back in the summer when we had our egg retrieval and had their genetic testing done. This is getting more and more common among IVF patients, to find the best of the best. We had 6 embryos freeze and 5 were healthy, so we did have to have one thrown out due to a chromosome abnormality. We put two of the strongest embryos in…girls! Go figure 🙂

We paid $200 extra to have laser acupuncture before and after the transfer.  It did not hurt at all and was pretty relaxing. It also lasted about 2 minutes lol …$200 pssht. Here I am before:

IMG_2708Then, the most amazing and beautiful process begins. A doctor and two nurses came into the room with our embryos in an incubator. We were able to see on a large screen the embryos being put into a catheter, they are SO, SO tiny. I want to say as small or smaller then a poppy seed. Then we watch on the ultrasound screen as the doctor inserts the embryos into my uterus. (A Fairly painless process!) I was so in awe as you all of a sudden could see them pop out of the catheter and into my uterus. I started crying, it was so emotional and beautiful to watch. You could see them both just floating in and getting ready to stick. 🙂 The nurse patted arm as I was crying and told me I did “such a good job.” They are angels and what they do everyday is make miracles. My husband, Dave kept saying wow and both of us just stared at the screen. Once it was over, I had to lay there for about 20-30 minutes and the acupuncturist came back in and did the laser one more time. By this point, you are very uncomfortable because you have to have a full bladder throughout the procedure. I couldn’t wait to get up and pee!! lol 

I wanted to share this picture, because how cool is it that I have it? But here are our two embryos before they were brought to us. I don’t know why but I feel like the one on the right is our baby girl. It was already hatching in this picture!! She was ready to get this process going and is so strong 🙂  I have so much more to share and write especially about our first few weeks pregnant, but I will leave it here for now and thank you again for all of our support. I still cannot believe this is happening!!!! oxox

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