Tag Archives: Infertility

When is it my turn?

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I know, I know… January. 2015 will be my year. I know it. I say it every day- it is out there in the universe (Right Aliza?), but I have to vent.

I believe I am a good friend, heck great friend. I am always reaching out whether it be text, facebook, snail mail, etc…I always try to stay in touch with my friends. I always send goodies to all of their babies on holidays and birthdays. I don’t let what I am going through stop me from doing that.

I have helped and supported quite a few friends through this infertility process. While I am so happy and excited for all of my friends who do get pregnant, why not me? Why do I have to keep sitting back and watching all the bump pictures and maternity photos and newborn pictures? When is it my turn?

I am a very sensitive person and take everything to heart (ask my mother lol) and I am very hurt I was the go to person for many friends through this process then I stopped hearing from them when they got pregnant. Now I know it is hard for them- trust me I know- to not feel guilty talking to me and seeing me, but it is also not fair to me that they drop off the planet. I was telling Dave, my husband, how I just stop hearing from some people when they get their positive test and he agreed with me- it just sucks. Just frustrating all around.

All I have to say is, be there for a friend who is struggling. When a good friend of mine was suffering through post-partum depression, I went and worked at her house one day, I always reached out, texted,  brought food over, cuddled her baby up so she could shower and take a breath, you name it to make sure she was ok. I was going through my battle and I want a baby myself, but I stepped up.  (and vice versa- she brought me a plate of superwoman cookies when I needed it!) Don’t forget about your friends who helped you through this. Continue to reach out and check on them. They helped you through your nightmare, don’t forget about theirs.

How to deal with kid’s birthday parties!

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I’m back! I have received a few emails and facebook messages this month telling me reading my blog has helped and asking me questions about treatments, meds, you name it. It makes me so happy that I can help and sad that so many are affected by infertility. I am going to make it my goal to post at least once a week and if you have any questions or any ideas on what you want to see- please let me know!

Last summer, 5 of my close friends had babies. Yes– FIVE. So this summer= 1st birthday parties. First thought- how do they have a one year old and I still have nothing? Second– how do I handle this? Here are a few ideas:

1. Say NO. If your friend is truly a good friend, they will not care and they will understand. My good pal invited us and said: “It is ok, you do not have to come, I wanted to include you but please don’t feel you have to say yes.” Perfectly said and we said No and felt ok about it. I still bought a gift for the little man and going to have lunch with her to deliver it.

2. Listen to your spouse. When we started getting invitations I felt the need to say yes and went right online to buy gifts. My husband told me right away he didn’t want to go and did not feel comfortable. I started a fight and said I would go alone but after some time thinking about it, he was right. We are each others support system and we have to be in the same boat. And guess what? When it came time for a party…I was emotional and didn’t want to go. He had the right idea from the get go.

3. Text me or your support group. The morning of a party, I texted my group “First birthday today.” That is all I had to say and the texts came flooding in. Things like I stay away from those like the plague to enjoy time and focus on your husband there….and Leave when you want to leave. It just gave me the pep talk I needed and made me not feel so alone. 

4. Cry in the front yard. Ok- this is ridiculous and makes me laugh now, but I did! We just finished opening gifts and a sad Carrie Underwood song came on “I will see you again” and I grabbed Dave and cried in the front yard. I just got overwhelmed with sadness and thought of the miscarriage and had to take a breather. I let out a few tears, wiped them away and went to sit in the sun with my husband. Don’t feel embarrassed and ashamed to let out your emotions. 

5. Have a cocktail or two. Many kid parties will not have any– which they totally should- ha!– but after Dave and I went out for burgers and margaritas. It was a time for us to chill out and get away from all things baby. (Just don’t make it a habit and do this every day lol)

6. Last one and most important- don’t be so hard on yourself. We are going to start IVF soon and I need to focus on myself. I cannot worry about others and people’s feelings. I get so worried that a friend or cousin will be upset when I say no to a party or get together, but guess what? enough. I need to do me and focus on my health. If they truly care…they will understand.  I have found some true friends in the process and seen sides of people that I do not like as well. For anyone who has friends or family dealing with infertility- be easy on them. Send a quick text- how are you? Send a card. Don’t push them to show up at events with kids and try to do adult dinners or nights out. A little bit goes a long way.

OX Have a great day!!

Oh and if you need me this summer….

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Support Group

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Ah I haven’t written in so long! We have had a crazy few weeks with Dave starting his new job, a wedding, I had to travel to Baltimore for work and a few photography shoots.  Whew.

I was really excited this past week to join my first infertility support group. I met someone through a good friend who had just had a failed ivf. I told my friend to have her text me if she wanted to talk and I am so glad she did. During her many doctor visits she has made a friend in the process and that led to this group. There were 7 of us girls- from 29 to early 40s….amazing, kind and understanding women. We had our first meeting this week which lasted over 2 hours and we were able to share our stories, talk about how much we hate baby showers/facebook posts and had some laughs too. We have been having group texts since with updates on our doctor appointments, inspiring quotes and just a “Have a good day!” message. I feel blessed to have them in my life and excited to root them on. I know it will happen for all of us.

Our next meeting we may have a yoga instructor come for a class…so fun 🙂 If you are in the Jersey Shore area and looking to join a group…please email me anytime. sfetterer02@gmail.com.

The amazing girl who started this group and ran the meeting went and got all of us St. Gerard prayer books.

The amazing girl who started this group and ran the meeting went and got all of us St. Gerard prayer books.

My new found love- Acupuncture

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When we have been trying for a baby for about a year, I decided to try acupuncture. Not just for infertility but also for my Crohn’s disease- I figured anything could help! I found a place a block away (perfect!) and began going twice a week. My doctor is awesome and he was actually the first acupuncturist to be licensed in the state of NJ. Unfortunately, insurance does not cover ANY of it and I have to pay $50 out of pocket every single time. (I eventually had to stop and go once a week or every other week because it was just too much $$).

I have never been super afraid of needles, just the pain of certain shots and the way it looked if I watched it get jabbed into me! I was a little weary when I started- but oh my- it is so relaxing. The doctor comes in after you first appointment (a good hour long telling him all of my lovely issues haha) and puts needles in the points that would relate to what you are trying to help. I get them in my arms, stomach, legs and feet.. many points that lead to different channels such as your kidney (The Chinese say this point is one of the most important for fertility) and spleen. A few times a session I feel a jolt of electricity when he puts the needle in- that is good, it means it is working extra hard in that spot that day and your body needs it. (Not the best feeling and kinda hurts but goes right away.)

I think it has helped my stress levels and Crohns. Still working on the infertility part- I am sure it doesn’t hurt anything and does help, but hoping for a positive test soon from all of my appointments. They actually offer acupuncture now after egg retrievals  and embryo transfers right in the doctor’s office- how cool is that? Shows you how much it is helping people and our doctors are finally seeing the true benefits.

I took this picture a few weeks ago….it was extremely challenging because I had needles in my arms! 🙂 HAHA. You can see all the spots in my stomach and legs– the most I think I may have gotten at once is 30-35 needles. That is a heat lamp that he puts on because it gets a little chilly in the room.

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Namaste 🙂

Work+House+Dog+Infertility= STRESS!

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Whew. Back in 2010 I was in 4 weddings- one was my own, we bought a house, I started a new job and we rescued Bradley. It was the best year of my life, but very stressful. After graduating college and living on my own in DC, I definitely was hit hard with working in the real world and dealing with everything on my own. I never really learned how to cope with stress until this past year with help from a therapist and my family. (Yes, I went to therapy- I am not in it anymore but it truly helps and I recommend it to ALL!)

What I do to chill out and relax:

-Light a candle and read. I am a huge bookworm (ask any of my friends) and I love nothing more than to sit with my kindle in bed or on our hammock outside and relax.

-Take a walk on the beach. Not everyone is so lucky to live 5 minutes from the beach but I have learned by just going down there and putting my feet in the sand- how amazing it truly is.

-Take a bath. Oh how I love my baths. I don’t take them to often- barely any in the summer but the winter is more relaxing to do so. I love getting fun bubble baths and just taking some time to myself. Try it!

-Go to the gym, do yoga or just deep breathing/stretching. When I feel anxious in the mornings, the best thing for me to do is going to the gym to get out of the house and burn some calories. My dad is a gym rat and has been since he was a kid and now I see why it helps him so much.

-Talk celebrity gossip, read magazines and watch reality tv. Why? It gets my mind off of my stressful situation and helps me forget for a bit. It is mindless fun and I love it! I have a DVR so I can fast forward through commercials and any ridiculous parts!

-Lay in the sun even if it is for 5 minutes. Yesterday I went outside in my sweats and just put my face in the sun for a few minutes and I felt like a different person!

-Read a page from my daily devotions book, pray or say 3 things that I was grateful for that current day. This has really helped me spiritually and mentally get through some tough days. I keep my devotions book right by my bed and I prefer to read it at night, unlike many who read it in the morning. Prayer- I have learned not to just complain and ask God for stuff- I thank him all the time now. Last week I won an argument with my insurance over a payment and I thanked Him right away for the strength and courage it took! Three things I am grateful or thankful for could be anything- from having your favorite meal (tacos lately) for dinner to taking a walk with Bradley and Dave. It is the little things in life that we are so lucky for. Sometimes Dave joins in too and says his 3 things of the day. Try it. 🙂

What do you do to relax?? (Keep it clean people 🙂 )

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