Tag Archives: Support group

Holiday Season

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Hi Friends. 🙂 It has been quite a busy few months with traveling for work, shopping for the holidays and have photography sessions. I just received a message from a friend that made me slow down to write a post. I won’t say the whole message but it made my day… ” Thank you for doing what you do and showing that we’re not alone and everyone’s path is ‘easy.’ Thank you again for being so open and honest…” Thank YOU!! ❤

Ask any of my family members or friends and they will all agree with you that I LOVE the holiday season. I start decorating for Fall/Halloween the 2nd the weather hits 60 and my Thanksgiving decorations are out 11/1. This time of the year it is extremely hard to not have a child. It hits me starting in September when everyone is starting to get their fall pictures and first day of school.  I cannot wait to have a child to go pumpkin picking, apple picking, you name it with- it is my dream! Then we move on to Halloween where Facebook is covered in pictures of adorable kids in their costumes and trick or treating fun. (Oh and my birthday is early October so that is always fun another year without a kid).

Thanksgiving- I am sucker for the Macy’s Parade…balloons, Broadway dancers and of course Santa at the end! It kicks off the Christmas season and just reminds me of what I still do not have. Christmas season rolls in with adorable Christmas cards, tree pictures with kids and the Elf on the Shelf (which I cannot WAIT To do lol). It is just a hard time for all of us struggling with infertility and loss.

A year ago I was pregnant. At Christmas Eve mass Dave and I jokingly said “peace be with you,” to my tummy at church. Christmas day I was thinking of next Christmas and was so, so excited. Little did we know a few days later we would find out about the miscarriage, but I still think back to a year ago…I wish I didn’t. 😦

Anyways…for everyone struggling- you are not alone. I get it. Think of it this way- you can save a lot of $$ on gifts and drink a lot more wine on Christmas day then any parents out there. 🙂 I had my support group over for a cookie swap and have been busy with photography, reading and catching up on shows. The best advice I could give is to stay busy and enjoy yourself. Don’t feel like you have to say yes to every party and family gathering you are invited to. Dave and I are going away for a few days to just take a breather and focus on the new year to come. January will be here before we know it and I cannot wait. If I don’t write again before 2015…have an amazing holiday season and New Year’s! Enjoy your families, spouses and eat a lot of cookies!

How to deal with kid’s birthday parties!

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I’m back! I have received a few emails and facebook messages this month telling me reading my blog has helped and asking me questions about treatments, meds, you name it. It makes me so happy that I can help and sad that so many are affected by infertility. I am going to make it my goal to post at least once a week and if you have any questions or any ideas on what you want to see- please let me know!

Last summer, 5 of my close friends had babies. Yes– FIVE. So this summer= 1st birthday parties. First thought- how do they have a one year old and I still have nothing? Second– how do I handle this? Here are a few ideas:

1. Say NO. If your friend is truly a good friend, they will not care and they will understand. My good pal invited us and said: “It is ok, you do not have to come, I wanted to include you but please don’t feel you have to say yes.” Perfectly said and we said No and felt ok about it. I still bought a gift for the little man and going to have lunch with her to deliver it.

2. Listen to your spouse. When we started getting invitations I felt the need to say yes and went right online to buy gifts. My husband told me right away he didn’t want to go and did not feel comfortable. I started a fight and said I would go alone but after some time thinking about it, he was right. We are each others support system and we have to be in the same boat. And guess what? When it came time for a party…I was emotional and didn’t want to go. He had the right idea from the get go.

3. Text me or your support group. The morning of a party, I texted my group “First birthday today.” That is all I had to say and the texts came flooding in. Things like I stay away from those like the plague to enjoy time and focus on your husband there….and Leave when you want to leave. It just gave me the pep talk I needed and made me not feel so alone. 

4. Cry in the front yard. Ok- this is ridiculous and makes me laugh now, but I did! We just finished opening gifts and a sad Carrie Underwood song came on “I will see you again” and I grabbed Dave and cried in the front yard. I just got overwhelmed with sadness and thought of the miscarriage and had to take a breather. I let out a few tears, wiped them away and went to sit in the sun with my husband. Don’t feel embarrassed and ashamed to let out your emotions. 

5. Have a cocktail or two. Many kid parties will not have any– which they totally should- ha!– but after Dave and I went out for burgers and margaritas. It was a time for us to chill out and get away from all things baby. (Just don’t make it a habit and do this every day lol)

6. Last one and most important- don’t be so hard on yourself. We are going to start IVF soon and I need to focus on myself. I cannot worry about others and people’s feelings. I get so worried that a friend or cousin will be upset when I say no to a party or get together, but guess what? enough. I need to do me and focus on my health. If they truly care…they will understand.  I have found some true friends in the process and seen sides of people that I do not like as well. For anyone who has friends or family dealing with infertility- be easy on them. Send a quick text- how are you? Send a card. Don’t push them to show up at events with kids and try to do adult dinners or nights out. A little bit goes a long way.

OX Have a great day!!

Oh and if you need me this summer….

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Support Group

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Ah I haven’t written in so long! We have had a crazy few weeks with Dave starting his new job, a wedding, I had to travel to Baltimore for work and a few photography shoots.  Whew.

I was really excited this past week to join my first infertility support group. I met someone through a good friend who had just had a failed ivf. I told my friend to have her text me if she wanted to talk and I am so glad she did. During her many doctor visits she has made a friend in the process and that led to this group. There were 7 of us girls- from 29 to early 40s….amazing, kind and understanding women. We had our first meeting this week which lasted over 2 hours and we were able to share our stories, talk about how much we hate baby showers/facebook posts and had some laughs too. We have been having group texts since with updates on our doctor appointments, inspiring quotes and just a “Have a good day!” message. I feel blessed to have them in my life and excited to root them on. I know it will happen for all of us.

Our next meeting we may have a yoga instructor come for a class…so fun 🙂 If you are in the Jersey Shore area and looking to join a group…please email me anytime. sfetterer02@gmail.com.

The amazing girl who started this group and ran the meeting went and got all of us St. Gerard prayer books.

The amazing girl who started this group and ran the meeting went and got all of us St. Gerard prayer books.