I’m back! I have received a few emails and facebook messages this month telling me reading my blog has helped and asking me questions about treatments, meds, you name it. It makes me so happy that I can help and sad that so many are affected by infertility. I am going to make it my goal to post at least once a week and if you have any questions or any ideas on what you want to see- please let me know!
Last summer, 5 of my close friends had babies. Yes– FIVE. So this summer= 1st birthday parties. First thought- how do they have a one year old and I still have nothing? Second– how do I handle this? Here are a few ideas:
1. Say NO. If your friend is truly a good friend, they will not care and they will understand. My good pal invited us and said: “It is ok, you do not have to come, I wanted to include you but please don’t feel you have to say yes.” Perfectly said and we said No and felt ok about it. I still bought a gift for the little man and going to have lunch with her to deliver it.
2. Listen to your spouse. When we started getting invitations I felt the need to say yes and went right online to buy gifts. My husband told me right away he didn’t want to go and did not feel comfortable. I started a fight and said I would go alone but after some time thinking about it, he was right. We are each others support system and we have to be in the same boat. And guess what? When it came time for a party…I was emotional and didn’t want to go. He had the right idea from the get go.
3. Text me or your support group. The morning of a party, I texted my group “First birthday today.” That is all I had to say and the texts came flooding in. Things like I stay away from those like the plague to enjoy time and focus on your husband there….and Leave when you want to leave. It just gave me the pep talk I needed and made me not feel so alone.
4. Cry in the front yard. Ok- this is ridiculous and makes me laugh now, but I did! We just finished opening gifts and a sad Carrie Underwood song came on “I will see you again” and I grabbed Dave and cried in the front yard. I just got overwhelmed with sadness and thought of the miscarriage and had to take a breather. I let out a few tears, wiped them away and went to sit in the sun with my husband. Don’t feel embarrassed and ashamed to let out your emotions.
5. Have a cocktail or two. Many kid parties will not have any– which they totally should- ha!– but after Dave and I went out for burgers and margaritas. It was a time for us to chill out and get away from all things baby. (Just don’t make it a habit and do this every day lol)
6. Last one and most important- don’t be so hard on yourself. We are going to start IVF soon and I need to focus on myself. I cannot worry about others and people’s feelings. I get so worried that a friend or cousin will be upset when I say no to a party or get together, but guess what? enough. I need to do me and focus on my health. If they truly care…they will understand. I have found some true friends in the process and seen sides of people that I do not like as well. For anyone who has friends or family dealing with infertility- be easy on them. Send a quick text- how are you? Send a card. Don’t push them to show up at events with kids and try to do adult dinners or nights out. A little bit goes a long way.
OX Have a great day!!
Oh and if you need me this summer….