Tag Archives: struggles

Holiday Season

Hi Friends. 🙂 It has been quite a busy few months with traveling for work, shopping for the holidays and have photography sessions. I just received a message from a friend that made me slow down to write a post. I won’t say the whole message but it made my day… ” Thank you for doing what you do and showing that we’re not alone and everyone’s path is ‘easy.’ Thank you again for being so open and honest…” Thank YOU!! ❤

Ask any of my family members or friends and they will all agree with you that I LOVE the holiday season. I start decorating for Fall/Halloween the 2nd the weather hits 60 and my Thanksgiving decorations are out 11/1. This time of the year it is extremely hard to not have a child. It hits me starting in September when everyone is starting to get their fall pictures and first day of school.  I cannot wait to have a child to go pumpkin picking, apple picking, you name it with- it is my dream! Then we move on to Halloween where Facebook is covered in pictures of adorable kids in their costumes and trick or treating fun. (Oh and my birthday is early October so that is always fun another year without a kid).

Thanksgiving- I am sucker for the Macy’s Parade…balloons, Broadway dancers and of course Santa at the end! It kicks off the Christmas season and just reminds me of what I still do not have. Christmas season rolls in with adorable Christmas cards, tree pictures with kids and the Elf on the Shelf (which I cannot WAIT To do lol). It is just a hard time for all of us struggling with infertility and loss.

A year ago I was pregnant. At Christmas Eve mass Dave and I jokingly said “peace be with you,” to my tummy at church. Christmas day I was thinking of next Christmas and was so, so excited. Little did we know a few days later we would find out about the miscarriage, but I still think back to a year ago…I wish I didn’t. 😦

Anyways…for everyone struggling- you are not alone. I get it. Think of it this way- you can save a lot of $$ on gifts and drink a lot more wine on Christmas day then any parents out there. 🙂 I had my support group over for a cookie swap and have been busy with photography, reading and catching up on shows. The best advice I could give is to stay busy and enjoy yourself. Don’t feel like you have to say yes to every party and family gathering you are invited to. Dave and I are going away for a few days to just take a breather and focus on the new year to come. January will be here before we know it and I cannot wait. If I don’t write again before 2015…have an amazing holiday season and New Year’s! Enjoy your families, spouses and eat a lot of cookies!

When is it my turn?

I know, I know… January. 2015 will be my year. I know it. I say it every day- it is out there in the universe (Right Aliza?), but I have to vent.

I believe I am a good friend, heck great friend. I am always reaching out whether it be text, facebook, snail mail, etc…I always try to stay in touch with my friends. I always send goodies to all of their babies on holidays and birthdays. I don’t let what I am going through stop me from doing that.

I have helped and supported quite a few friends through this infertility process. While I am so happy and excited for all of my friends who do get pregnant, why not me? Why do I have to keep sitting back and watching all the bump pictures and maternity photos and newborn pictures? When is it my turn?

I am a very sensitive person and take everything to heart (ask my mother lol) and I am very hurt I was the go to person for many friends through this process then I stopped hearing from them when they got pregnant. Now I know it is hard for them- trust me I know- to not feel guilty talking to me and seeing me, but it is also not fair to me that they drop off the planet. I was telling Dave, my husband, how I just stop hearing from some people when they get their positive test and he agreed with me- it just sucks. Just frustrating all around.

All I have to say is, be there for a friend who is struggling. When a good friend of mine was suffering through post-partum depression, I went and worked at her house one day, I always reached out, texted,  brought food over, cuddled her baby up so she could shower and take a breath, you name it to make sure she was ok. I was going through my battle and I want a baby myself, but I stepped up.  (and vice versa- she brought me a plate of superwoman cookies when I needed it!) Don’t forget about your friends who helped you through this. Continue to reach out and check on them. They helped you through your nightmare, don’t forget about theirs.