Morning all 🙂 I wanted to write this post last week but it was my sister’s wedding week! (Will write a post later, but it was amazing!)

For those of you who read my whole post last time, which I don’t blame you if you didn’t because it was a novel ha! You read that we found out a few weeks ago we became pregnant on our own and the pregnancy would most likely not last due to a few must have factors for a viable pregnancy. What came next was a shock and nightmare.

As I mentioned, my HGC numbers started going down, as we expected and what was supposed to happen. When I went back for my 3rd blood test, the numbers started going up again- which you think would be good but it is not. HCG numbers should double every 24-48 hours to show the pregnancy is moving along. My numbers went from 80 something to 106. What does this mean? It could mean a few things- sometimes it spikes up to go back down (which happened in my last chemical pregnancy in 2013). It could also mean- a tubular pregnancy, also known to most as Ectopic. It is when the embryo is growing in your fallopian tube or somewhere else besides the uterus, which could is very dangerous and could be deadly.

When the doctor first called to explain this, I wasn’t worried as this happened before and my numbers went back down the next visit. Not this time. I continued to go back almost every day/other day for a week and my numbers were staying the same. My doctor gave me 1 more day of tests to see if it would come down before we had to make some drastic decisions. I went in on Friday, October 3rd and my numbers went down- AMEN! I was relieved and felt like we finally got good news, now I can focus on the wedding.

Monday- October 6th- I received the worst call of my life- my numbers went back up. This is the week of my sister’s wedding, my birthday- are you kidding me?! I lost it- I was crying and screaming. How is this happening?! I was in shock.

There are 2 things that my doctor could do-

1. Remove one of my fallopian tubes. This was something I obviously did not want to happen and Thank God, my doctor think that I needed this.

2. Administer two shots in my back called Methotrexate. How does it work? Methotrexate stops the growth of rapidly dividing cells, such as embryonic, fetal, and early placenta cells. It is a small dose of a chemo like medicine, it is so strong, you cannot try for a baby for 3 months after having the shot. It has side effects such as cramping, bleeding, mouth sores and makes your eyes sting.

On 10/6 with my husband at my side, I was given this shot twice in my back. The nurse had to wear a mask, 2 pairs of gloves and a special jacket to give it to me. It didn’t really hurt- I’m used to shots now, but I was scared, frustrated, confused and upset. I held on to my husband’s hands and did what I had to do.

I had cramping. I had lots of bleeding (TMI). I am starting to get mouth sores. But I survived and will continue to fight this.  All I wanted to do was hide and get away from it all. But I had my birthday dinner and a weekend of  celebrations and I am so happy I did. I was able to get my mind off of everything and smile. (I could not drink a sip of alcohol at my sister’s wedding due to this shot- another bummer!)

My numbers are finally going down as of yesterday (yay!) but I have to continue to be monitored until they are at 0.  So from now until January, I am going to enjoy my husband, pup and family. We make take a trip in December to get away and enjoy each other. I plan on drinking (when I can again! lol), and just having a good time. I will be back at it in January- I have 5 embryos waiting. 🙂

First, I want to say how happy I am that I started this blog. I have received some amazing messages from other women struggling. To read “I needed to read this today” and “Thank you for writing this, I was having such a bad week,” makes me so happy. If I can help anyone with questions or just to make someone say “ME TOO!”…it makes this all worth it.

In July we started the egg retrieval process with our new doctor. This is an exhausting process- emotionally and physically.  I ended up stimming for about 13 days. That means 2-3 shots per night in my stomach plus doctor visits almost every other day which turn into every day the last week of it. (Plus twice a week acupuncture) Monitoring appointments are from 6-7:30am, so you must got between this time to get a vile of blood drawn and an ultrasound. I am about 45 minutes away (round trip!) and it is first come, first serve. I am so open about this and love to speak with anyone else going through this but 95% of the women I see keep their heads down and don’t make eye contact. One day I went and the waiting room was PACKED- not a seat open, which rarely happens. I watched a girl walk in, all dressed for work and look around and just tear up  while anxiously walking to sign in. I wanted to hug her and say…me too. It is just amazing how many people are going through this.

Egg Retrieval day- yay!! This IVF really made me anxious and an emotional mess. I am guessing because of the different meds I was on and dosages, it hit me a lot different this time around then my last. You have to go to the office up North Jersey for all retrievals, so my mom packed us a bag of food and drinks since it is over an hour away and my appointment wasn’t until 1pm! Oh and I had to fast….awful and so hungry! The procedure is about 15 minutes long so by the time they wheeled me in, I was out before Dave could even go out to the car.  Amazing news- we had 18 eggs!! 18!!! The doctor said he expected a good 8-10….I was so so happy. They gave me advil and some crackers and after a while we were allowed to go home.  I have been under anesthesia many times for procedures in the last few years and I am usually ok. About 50 minutes into the ride- SOOOO close to home– I got sick in the car. 😦 We had a paper bag which I used and then that decided to break. It was disgusting. We called my parents who were at home with the pup and they came right out to help Dave clean the car. I was so happy though, I didn’t even care. (Can’t say the same for my husband and dad lol)

That is just the beginning- now you wait. You wait to see how many were mature (16!) and how many fertilized (13!). Then you wait to see how many make it to the blastocyst phase, which is day 5/6- (6!). Dave and I decided to pay extra for testing on the embryos to make sure their chromosomes were all normal.  We had to wait ten days after the first 5 to get the results. I am so happy to say we have five (5!), healthy frozen embryos waiting for us. We had zero at the last doctor. The reason we froze was because we wanted the strongest embryos possible and our doctor sees higher success rates going about it this way. We will do anything to make this work.

August- was set to be our transfer of our embryos. My doctor decided to try it naturally with no meds or shots. After a few morning appointments and watching his face every time he saw my uterine lining (which I feel like an expert now I know where everything is on the screen ha!), he cancelled the transfer. They want the lining around a 7-8 and mine was only a 5.  I was trying everything acupuncture, raspberry leaf tea, baby aspirin.  It just wouldn’t thicken up. I was super upset at first and lost it in the doctor’s office, but I know God has a plan for me and when it is meant to happen, it will.

We decided to wait until after my sister’s wedding to try again. There will be a lot more meds this time (he is adding in progesterone shots among other things) and morning appointments. I wanted to enjoy the weeks leading up to the wedding and with a busy September, this worked best for us.

What came next was a shock. Last week I called my nurse after having some spotting a week after my period. I just figured my hormones were all messed up and straightening themselves out. We received the call that morning “Oh your pregnancy test came back positive.” Excuse me? What? But….the doctor was no optimistic about it remaining a viable pregnancy due to my progesterone levels and go figure- lining. Dave and I were in shock/excited/sad/we did this on our own! After hearing what the nurse said I put everything in the back of my mind and enjoyed my weekend at Oprah. Sunday morning Dave and I got up bright and early and went for another blood test. We expected the call “I’m sorry I have some bad news for you…your HCG levels are going down. ” Yup…and we got that call. So it wasn’t our miracle baby. I am not sure the lesson God is trying to teach us but man, I cannot wait to find out. While I go back in this Wednesday to make sure my numbers are still going down and on our 4th wedding anniversary…say a little prayer for us that this will be our year. I have watched so many friends that I have helped through infertility go on and become pregnant, this is our time. We have 5 beautiful embryos waiting for us.

oxox Thanks for reading…I could write a novel! ha!

Hi again 🙂 I did write a few more posts- under Crohns and Bradley’s World. Check them out!