I’m pretty sure I have blogged before to let you all know about my sister’s wedding. We had her shower the first weekend of August and it was beautiful! We had it in a private room at a fancy pizzeria in Asbury Park, NJ. Here are some pictures…
We had a black/white dessert bar, pizza cutters for favors and a guestbook on wooden spoons. It was amazing 🙂 Bachelorette party is this weekend and cannot wait to share!
I’m back! I have received a few emails and facebook messages this month telling me reading my blog has helped and asking me questions about treatments, meds, you name it. It makes me so happy that I can help and sad that so many are affected by infertility. I am going to make it my goal to post at least once a week and if you have any questions or any ideas on what you want to see- please let me know!
Last summer, 5 of my close friends had babies. Yes– FIVE. So this summer= 1st birthday parties. First thought- how do they have a one year old and I still have nothing? Second– how do I handle this? Here are a few ideas:
1. Say NO. If your friend is truly a good friend, they will not care and they will understand. My good pal invited us and said: “It is ok, you do not have to come, I wanted to include you but please don’t feel you have to say yes.” Perfectly said and we said No and felt ok about it. I still bought a gift for the little man and going to have lunch with her to deliver it.
2. Listen to your spouse. When we started getting invitations I felt the need to say yes and went right online to buy gifts. My husband told me right away he didn’t want to go and did not feel comfortable. I started a fight and said I would go alone but after some time thinking about it, he was right. We are each others support system and we have to be in the same boat. And guess what? When it came time for a party…I was emotional and didn’t want to go. He had the right idea from the get go.
3. Text me or your support group. The morning of a party, I texted my group “First birthday today.” That is all I had to say and the texts came flooding in. Things like I stay away from those like the plague to enjoy time and focus on your husband there….and Leave when you want to leave. It just gave me the pep talk I needed and made me not feel so alone.
4. Cry in the front yard. Ok- this is ridiculous and makes me laugh now, but I did! We just finished opening gifts and a sad Carrie Underwood song came on “I will see you again” and I grabbed Dave and cried in the front yard. I just got overwhelmed with sadness and thought of the miscarriage and had to take a breather. I let out a few tears, wiped them away and went to sit in the sun with my husband. Don’t feel embarrassed and ashamed to let out your emotions.
5. Have a cocktail or two. Many kid parties will not have any– which they totally should- ha!– but after Dave and I went out for burgers and margaritas. It was a time for us to chill out and get away from all things baby. (Just don’t make it a habit and do this every day lol)
6. Last one and most important- don’t be so hard on yourself. We are going to start IVF soon and I need to focus on myself. I cannot worry about others and people’s feelings. I get so worried that a friend or cousin will be upset when I say no to a party or get together, but guess what? enough. I need to do me and focus on my health. If they truly care…they will understand. I have found some true friends in the process and seen sides of people that I do not like as well. For anyone who has friends or family dealing with infertility- be easy on them. Send a quick text- how are you? Send a card. Don’t push them to show up at events with kids and try to do adult dinners or nights out. A little bit goes a long way.
OX Have a great day!!
Oh and if you need me this summer….
I just finished Robin Robert’s new book and it was amazing…I highly recommend it to all. One line she said quite a few times about sharing her journey with cancer and MDS was she was “making her mess, her message.” I so agree with her on this and that is why I share my journey with infertility. I have met some lifetime friends in my support group and have heard from many friends on facebook and through email who have gone through this or know someone who has. A lot of girls do not like to share and stay private- but this helps me…I need to vent and share.
Dave and I tried another IUI this past month and it did not work. We had to wait for two months after the miscarriage and D&C for my body to get back on track. I was back in acupuncture, taking all of the correct medicines, relaxing and enjoying time outside…..but nothing. My body reacted amazing again to the shots and Dave’s numbers were amazing, everything on paper looked wonderful but a big fat negative.
We have decided to go to a new doctor– our 3rd specialist since we started this journey. My past doctor had zero relationship with me and if I walked straight into him out and about, I bet he would not know who I was. Who does not call a patient to see how they are after a miscarriage? I left the office a mess and never heard from him and had to go on my own to another doctor for a D&C. I am feeling very positive about this new doctor– most of the girls in my support group now go there and an old HS friend went there as well. I had my first appointment on Monday and he is being very thorough with Dave and I. We have to undergo more blood work (I am pretty sure I have had at least 50 viles in the last year taken) and a few more tests. He is not leaving any stone uncovered and I am grateful for that.
He is the first doctor….THE FIRST…to tell me Crohn’s Disease can and does affect women getting pregnant. He is the first doctor to tell me to go back to gluten free. He is the first office I can email my nurse anytime of the day and get the answers I need. All positive signs.
He also told me two things I did not want to hear on Monday. 1- IVF is the way to go…..he truly believes instead of 3-4-5 more IUI tries and hoping the right thing happens….lets do IVF where he can make it happen. (Out of pocket for my husband and I so another $15,000 or so…..) 2. He also feels it may be a little bit of an egg quality issue. This was hard for me to take, not that it wasn’t in the back of my mind and that I thought it was all my husband- I knew it obviously wasn’t with our failed attempts, chemical pregnancy and miscarriage, but still hurts to hear that.
So we are back to square 1 it almost feels like. We are hoping to have all of our tests this month so we can regroup to hear what they have to say. Praying so hard they find nothing new…not sure if I can handle anymore bad news! I have been fighting with my insurance company and past offices about bills we have received that should be covered. It is exhausting that we have to worry about this on top of worrying about our health. So many of my friends have coverage on 4 IVF cycles and endless IUI’s….I am so jealous. We pay out of pocket for IUI’s and our IVF cycle. I also pay a $35 copay for every single doctor’s visit, bloodwork…you name it. Pretty sure Dave and I could have went to Europe for 3 months and stayed in 4 star hotels for all we have paid on this. It is sickens me and I wish it was something we didn’t have to worry about.
Ok…enough ranting for the day. 🙂 I really need to get better and write at least once a week. Worst. blogger. ever.
Ending with this cute face, he keeps us going!
Ah I haven’t written in so long! We have had a crazy few weeks with Dave starting his new job, a wedding, I had to travel to Baltimore for work and a few photography shoots. Whew.
I was really excited this past week to join my first infertility support group. I met someone through a good friend who had just had a failed ivf. I told my friend to have her text me if she wanted to talk and I am so glad she did. During her many doctor visits she has made a friend in the process and that led to this group. There were 7 of us girls- from 29 to early 40s….amazing, kind and understanding women. We had our first meeting this week which lasted over 2 hours and we were able to share our stories, talk about how much we hate baby showers/facebook posts and had some laughs too. We have been having group texts since with updates on our doctor appointments, inspiring quotes and just a “Have a good day!” message. I feel blessed to have them in my life and excited to root them on. I know it will happen for all of us.
Our next meeting we may have a yoga instructor come for a class…so fun 🙂 If you are in the Jersey Shore area and looking to join a group…please email me anytime. sfetterer02@gmail.com.
The amazing girl who started this group and ran the meeting went and got all of us St. Gerard prayer books.
Sorry I haven’t written in a few days! My 30th birthday was last Wednesday, the 9th and this past weekend my parents, sister & future bro-in law and my husband threw me a Hollywood themed party for about 30-35 guests! My In-Laws came up from Virginia and most of my cousins were also able to make it. We had such a great time 🙂 I am usually the party planner in the family so it was nice to sit back and let everyone else do the work. They had a red carpet, all homemade food and dessert, candy bar and lots of drinks. It wasn’t as crazy as my 21st…HA…but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Thanks so much for everything guys!!!!!
Some of my girls!
HA! Dave and I and my in-laws..
Workin the red carpet…I think I’m a celebrity.
My college roomie Jessie and I…hysterical
They came from MD to see me!
Wonder what I’m wishing for…
please, no cameras.
my heart!
Love 🙂
My friend sent me this and it is perfect. Not to be a debby downer, but the picture of Bradley and I is from last winter when I found out ANOTHER friend was pregnant and our IVF failed. Best therapist ever!
my little mush
When we have been trying for a baby for about a year, I decided to try acupuncture. Not just for infertility but also for my Crohn’s disease- I figured anything could help! I found a place a block away (perfect!) and began going twice a week. My doctor is awesome and he was actually the first acupuncturist to be licensed in the state of NJ. Unfortunately, insurance does not cover ANY of it and I have to pay $50 out of pocket every single time. (I eventually had to stop and go once a week or every other week because it was just too much $$).
I have never been super afraid of needles, just the pain of certain shots and the way it looked if I watched it get jabbed into me! I was a little weary when I started- but oh my- it is so relaxing. The doctor comes in after you first appointment (a good hour long telling him all of my lovely issues haha) and puts needles in the points that would relate to what you are trying to help. I get them in my arms, stomach, legs and feet.. many points that lead to different channels such as your kidney (The Chinese say this point is one of the most important for fertility) and spleen. A few times a session I feel a jolt of electricity when he puts the needle in- that is good, it means it is working extra hard in that spot that day and your body needs it. (Not the best feeling and kinda hurts but goes right away.)
I think it has helped my stress levels and Crohns. Still working on the infertility part- I am sure it doesn’t hurt anything and does help, but hoping for a positive test soon from all of my appointments. They actually offer acupuncture now after egg retrievals and embryo transfers right in the doctor’s office- how cool is that? Shows you how much it is helping people and our doctors are finally seeing the true benefits.
I took this picture a few weeks ago….it was extremely challenging because I had needles in my arms! 🙂 HAHA. You can see all the spots in my stomach and legs– the most I think I may have gotten at once is 30-35 needles. That is a heat lamp that he puts on because it gets a little chilly in the room.
Namaste 🙂
I love the holidays and I always start early on my cards and gifts. This year I had SO many 1st Halloween cards to get and was super excited to send them out. I love that my friends send me pictures of the babies with the card- makes me smile. When I received this picture it made me so happy and I had to share it!
Liam and his card! 🙂 I received this with an I love you too text!
Our calendar for October is PACKED. From our anniversary to my birthday to Dave’s first day in his new job to a wedding…whew. It is all good things and we are blessed to be able to celebrate so many occasions with our friends.
Bradley all happy he just got his nails cut!
This weekend Dave ref’ed a game Friday night so I relaxed with Bradley and my magazines. Yesterday I finally got my mums and pumpkins for the front of the house (looks SO good) and went up to Hoboken to “surprise” my bestest friend in the world- Jess for her 30th. Her husband Adam emailed me a few weeks ago to come up and surprise her for dinner! I wouldn’t have missed it for the world and was super proud of myself that I kept the secret since I tell Jess pretty much everything! Adam was going to cook us all dinner and after buying 4 steaks tells Jess “We are going to have 2 other surprise people for dinner.” HA! All day she was questioning him on who it was and literally 10 minutes before we arrived he said “Dave is going to…” and stopped himself– secret is out! 
He was going to say Dave is going to want to watch football but Jess caught right on and knew we were on our way. It was such a great night with lots of laughs, wine, good food and I got to cuddle my little nephew Max a lot. Perfect night.
I just love him.
Little butterball…I could cuddle him for hours!
Today I went to watch Dave ref the Mighty Mights (7-9 year olds) and ran some errands. This afternoon we went to a local park for a friend’s 2 year olds birthday! I went to HS with Jaclyn and while we were friendly then, we never hung out outside of school. After planning, or attempting to plan, our 10 year reunion we became good friends, our husbands golf and hang out and I adore her 2 little girls. Kid birthday parties are getting harder for me as everyone there pretty much has a kid or 2 running around, but I am so glad we went. It was great to see little Kayleigh having a blast at her minnie mouse themed bash. Plus the cupcakes and view of the water were pretty awesome too. 🙂
Kayleigh is 2!
All in all it was a really fun weekend…now if I can just win fantasy football this weekend. 🙂
OH!!! One more exciting thing! My hubby got me another diamond band for our anniversary/30th birthday! How beautiful? I probably won’t wear it like this too much because my engagement ring is so detailed and I hate covering it up- but I have tried the 2 bands together, one band on each hand etc…oh the possibilities. 🙂
My Dog is my Therapist 