Making my Mess, my Message.

I just finished Robin Robert’s new book and it was amazing…I highly recommend it to all. One line she said quite a few times about sharing her journey with cancer and MDS was she was “making her mess, her message.” I so agree with her on this and that is why I share my journey with infertility. I have met some lifetime friends in my support group and have heard from many friends on facebook and through email who have gone through this or know someone who has. A lot of girls do not like to share and stay private- but this helps me…I need to vent and share.

Dave and I tried another IUI this past month and it did not work. We had to wait for two months after the miscarriage and D&C for my body to get back on track. I was back in acupuncture, taking all of the correct medicines, relaxing and enjoying time outside…..but nothing. My body reacted amazing again to the shots and Dave’s numbers were amazing, everything on paper looked wonderful but a big fat negative.

We have decided to go to a new doctor– our 3rd specialist since we started this journey. My past doctor had zero relationship with me and if I walked straight into him out and about, I bet he would not know who I was. Who does not call a patient to see how they are after a miscarriage? I left the office a mess and never heard from him and had to go on my own to another doctor for a D&C. I am feeling very positive about this new doctor– most of the girls in my support group now go there and an old HS friend went there as well. I had my first appointment on Monday and he is being very thorough with Dave and I. We have to undergo more blood work (I am pretty sure I have had at least 50 viles in the last year taken) and a few more tests. He is not leaving any stone uncovered and I am grateful for that.

He is the first doctor….THE FIRST…to tell me Crohn’s Disease can and does affect women getting pregnant. He is the first doctor to tell me to go back to gluten free. He is the first office I can email my nurse anytime of the day and get the answers I need. All positive signs.

He also told me two things I did not want to hear on Monday. 1- IVF is the way to go…..he truly believes instead of 3-4-5 more IUI tries and hoping the right thing happens….lets do IVF where he can make it happen. (Out of pocket for my husband and I so another $15,000 or so…..) 2. He also feels it may be a little bit of an egg quality issue. This was hard for me to take, not that it wasn’t in the back of my mind and that I thought it was all my husband- I knew it obviously wasn’t with our failed attempts, chemical pregnancy and miscarriage, but still hurts to hear that.

So we are back to square 1 it almost feels like. We are hoping to have all of our tests this month so we can regroup to hear what they have to say. Praying so hard they find nothing new…not sure if I can handle anymore bad news! I have been fighting with my insurance company and past offices about bills we have received that should be covered. It is exhausting that we have to worry about this on top of worrying about our health. So many of my friends have coverage on 4 IVF cycles and endless IUI’s….I am so jealous. We pay out of pocket for IUI’s and our IVF cycle. I also pay a $35 copay for every single doctor’s visit, bloodwork…you name it. Pretty sure Dave and I could have went to Europe for 3 months and stayed in 4 star hotels for all we have paid on this. It is sickens me and I wish it was something we didn’t have to worry about.

Ok…enough ranting for the day. 🙂 I really need to get better and write at least once a week. Worst. blogger. ever.

Ending with this cute face, he keeps us going!



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